"Engagement—we hear it in the word—has to do with trust, confidence, reliability. Confidence with the God given vocation, because marriage is the first discovery of a call from God. However, precisely the freedom of the bond requires conscious harmony in the decision, not just the simple sense of a momentary, brief attraction or feeling… It requires a journey." Pope Francis said this during the General Audience on May 27th, as he began his sixteenth catechesis on the family, entirely dedicated to the state of life before marriage.

 

For the Holy Father, engagement is a time of life in which the two are called "to do good work on love, work that is done together and shared, that goes deep. Slowly they discover one another—"man 'learns' about the woman, by learning from this woman, his fiancée; and the woman 'learns' about the man, by learning from this man, her fiancé. We must not underestimate the importance of this learning: it is truly a commitment, and love itself requires it, so that it may be more than carefree happiness, an enchanting emotion…" On the contrary, this is a real job, craftsmanship. Making two lives into one is also something of a miracle, a miracle of freedom and of the heart, entrusted to faith. We should work more on this point, because our "sentimental coordinates" have become a bit "confused." Wanting the perfect relationship instantly, in accordance with a consumer plan, in fact, is in contradiction with the humility of true love, as the Pope recalled: "Whoever claims to want everything immediately, then gives up on everything—and immediately—at the first difficulty (or at the first opportunity). There is no hope for the trust and loyalty of self-giving, if the habit of consuming love, as if it were a kind of 'supplement' to our physical and mental wellbeing, prevails. This is not love!"

 

After suggesting to young people that they read The Betrothed as a good resource, during the time of their engagement, and after praising the pre-marriage courses as "an expression of the special preparation" for the wedding, Francis stressed that the Lord uses a fiancé's words in the Old Testament, where He speaks to his people, saying, "I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love, and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness; and you shall know the Lord" (Hos 2:19–20). The Pope invited the engaged couples to meditate these two verses from the Book of Hosea and to say to one another.